When a person looks back at their life lived so far, there are certain events that may stand out, milestones; the memorable moments, times that tested your mettle, the incidents that elicited emotion. Milestones that may evoke feelings of elatedness, or bring about broken-heartedness. You could say that 2015 opened with the latter for me. Moving house did not only involve a separation of furniture from perfectly-indented carpet, but it involved my parents parting ways.
Although I had known about my mum's wishes for about 6 months, this came as no less of a shock when it happened. I have been assured by others that this is just a change that needs getting used to, but where I find myself at the moment is in a situation where I feel that it is up to me to keep the family in 'functional' order, where I am attempting to meet everyone's emotional needs and make sure this change hasn't hit anyone too hard.
Whilst I have been quite shaken by this change, which has also made me rethink my views on marriage as a whole, I will not let this affect the way I live my life. Yes, logistical changes will have to be made to meet both my parents' needs (and maybe for once, it will make me appreciate them the amount they deserve to be appreciated), but I refuse to let any emotional burden from this affect how I deal with others, and I will not let future plans be hindered by any depressive attitude that may arise as a result of parents splitting. I am learning to see adverse life events as a challenge; the tougher the test, the more courage I expect myself to show. I just hope there isn't a time when I see this courage deplete as something bigger decides to hit me. At the moment, maybe as a sort of false assurance to myself that I can handle this, I often ask shaytan, 'is that all you've got?!'
2015 also opened with my close friend losing his father, and another friend with his dad in a very critical condition that came about suddenly. Knowing they're going through emotional turmoil, but trying to maintain a calm exterior is extremely inspiring, and having such friends whose influence could rub off onto me is a blessing in itself. And then there's my depressed friend, whose condition still hasn't improved, and whilst I realise depression is a sinkhole that's very difficult to escape, his constant complaints about things that I see as petty has made me realise that we all approach and react to adversity in different ways. Some of us collapse at the slightest hint of pressure on our shoulders; others hurt on the inside but put on a brave face, and then there are the very rare few who embrace it.
I am a big fan of having a 'gratitude attitude', but I think the mark of a truly strong person is when they're grateful for even the bad things in life. Because they realise the situation could've been worse, that some good may eventually come from it, but most of all, they know that they'll emerge stronger. And they're grateful for that.
Don't expect your skin to be tough if you haven't earnt it through your fair share of trials. So reserve your widest smiles for times that would make lesser people curl up in a ball and give up.
Anyway, I think I'd better go and revise; final exams start in two days :P
